Frank Church
October 27th, 2005, 03:02 PM
I'm posting this because I'm totally bereft of any recent fishing
experiences, and there must be a few who might relate to this letter.
Frank Sr.
....fishless in cornfield county, IN
.....this was purported to be an actual letter (took place in NZ)
Dear Mr Pilgrim
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only
a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because
I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth
time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to
you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you
what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You
have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off
on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad
proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to
change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced
to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the
next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to
get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures
of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to
correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Adrian Barragan
experiences, and there must be a few who might relate to this letter.
Frank Sr.
....fishless in cornfield county, IN
.....this was purported to be an actual letter (took place in NZ)
Dear Mr Pilgrim
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only
a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because
I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth
time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to
you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you
what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You
have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off
on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad
proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to
change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced
to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the
next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to
get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures
of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to
correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Adrian Barragan