BULLETIN -- Another Piranha Attack at Smithsonian
 

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NEWS FLASH
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (Rueters) --
Another piranha attack occurred
at the Smithsonian Institution late
this afternoon, leaving its new
Secretary Dr. G. Wayne Clough
fighting for his life in a hospital.
Cloug, recently appointed as the
12th Secretary of the Smithsonian,
was viciously attacked by the piranha
while enjoying a dip in the Institution's
indoor executive swimming pool.
A Smithsonian spokesman said
Clough, who was alone and swimming
nude, required 145 stiches to close
gashes to his face, head, elbows
arms, stomach, left ear and rectum.
"It was horrible, just horrible," said
a spokesman. "The pool was rosey
red -- like expensiverPinot Noired
(red) wine -- when they pulled him
out."
An investigation is underway to
apprehend the person responsible
for placing the pirana in the pool and
one Ed Conrad, a leading suspect,
has already been questioned but
released.
Conrad told police it couldn't
possibly be him because he hates
the smell of fish.
A previous piranha attack had
taken place nine months ago,
leaving thr flesh-less skeletons
of a Smithsonian official in the
pool. That case had never been
solved.

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