Tim J. wrote:

I believe parents have the power to help them think twice about doing
something.

Absolutely. And that's a far cry from "keep[ing] your kids from"
things.

I don't think this is necessarily true. Disallowing a 16-year-old
from
going to a party when the parent believes there is not adequate
supervision (in my case, if my wife or I didn't know the parent(s)
personally, the kids didn't go) will keep them from using alcohol or
drugs *at that party, on that night*. As parents, my wife and I made
it
a habit to periodically show up at places when our kids were out. We
didn't do this all the time, but just enough to keep them on their
toes.
The fact that we *might* show up at someone's house or at the
library/school/etc. was enough incentive to keep them on the straight
and narrow most of the time.

I respect the fact that you did such things, even though I don't
necessarily agree with it. :-) Obviously we have different parenting
styles. I trust my kids to go where they say they are, and if I ever
find out they aren't telling me the truth, then we have a problem.

I guess I've been lucky, because they have both turned out great and
stayed out of trouble. Of course, it doesn't hurt that we live in a
small town where you *will* hear about it if kids are up to no good.
:-)

IMO, discussing is okay to a certain point. With kids, actions speak
louder than words.

Again, we just have a difference in style. I use reason and facts
first, but I'm willing to back them up when necessary. IMHO, if you
can look your kid in the eye and say "I did such-and-such when I was
your age. This is what happened to me when I did it", and allow them
to come to their own decision, they will be better-served in the long
run than by you simply forbidding it.

More can be done than that, but it takes a lot of effort and personal
involvement in the kids' lives. Showing up at all their activities
and
cheering them on at sporting events does wonders. When I went to my
son's cross-country meets, there was a core group of five parents
that
showed up to support the 50 or so kids participating. Many of the
other
kids started calling my wife and I "Mom" and "Dad" Johnson. How sad
is
that?

Yes, that is sad. I am all for being supportive, and SWMBO and I
are
always at our kids' events, whether it was the older girl's volleyball
and basketball games or the younger one's theater productions. And
yes,
I believe that does help, but it doesn't isolate them from all the
situations they will face where they have to make decisions that may
affect their future. You teach them, but it's still ultimately up to
them. And simply trying to keep temptations away or rule them with an
iron-hand won't help when they're in those situations.

I found that "just say no" thing, and really ALL the anti-drug
campaigns, to be next to useless. It's a lot of good money poured
down a
black hole to make the people propagating the programs feel better
about
themselves.

Bingo.

All of the above, just IMHO.

Likewise.