Hambone Slim wrote:

Best bet is just to realize that anything a fisherman is saying about his
fishing trip is either a lie or a damn lie

Yes...your list of "essentials" looks a bit suspect to me.

Where do you like to shop for your wombat fur? Is Orvis good? What
other sites would you like a gift certificate from?

BTW, if I can grab a good chunk of what you wrote above, you've already
won part of the essay contest. So choose your list of gift certificate
recommendations carefully.