Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this :

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across
was
a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser
were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button
AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Betty what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I
was
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger,
I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Was I
wrong?


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no
possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but
I'll
do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I
decided
to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched
the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD,
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION *(&*&%^%$(@#^&$^!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing
over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when
you zap
yourself.

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be
considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
get
there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
lip
weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a
significant reward for their safe return!

Frank Reid