AP Newzwired, Washington, DC - Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D) has started
what he calls a "non-partisan attempt at getting that Goddamned
Republican mother****er creep of a veep" by filing the paperwork he
believes to be the start of the impeachment of Vice President Dick
Cheney. When asked which other members of Congress supported his plan,
Kucinich admitted that no other member supports his plan and House
leadership had threatened him with castration if he proceeded. Kucinich
said he was not worried about such threats because he has no balls. "An
old stun-gun accident," said an aide to the Congressman, who asked not
to be named.

In related news, Vice President Cheney's office has announced that
Cheney himself is planning in participating in a test of Sheryl Crow's
"One Sheet of Paper per Dump" plan. "The Vice President plans to
personally test the plan, at least for the next few days," a
spokesperson said. When asked how long the test would be in effect and
how many staffers would participate, the spokesperson said that since
they hadn't received the sheets of paper intended for the test, such
details were still being determined. "Exact details will be released
once the test paper has been sent over from the House," said the
spokesperson. Asked if the chainsaw on the desk was related to the
upcoming test, the spokesperson said no. "Apparently, the Vice
President ordered it last evening and the courier service had just
delivered it...," said the spokesperson, "He sent an aide out for a
leather apron, a face shield, and a can of gas and has another working
on some sort of tickets."...