"Look at those morons! I paid my taxes a year ago."

"Internet! Is that thing still around?"

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems isn't at the bottom of
a bottle, they are on TV."

"No offense Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have
been out taking a whizz."

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't
be back for TEN MINUTES"

"I hope I didn't brain my damage."

"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's
just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."