Tales of the riverbank

I arrived at the water just as the first hint of dawn touched the Eastern
horizon. Having selected my swim I ordered the ACME 'Laze-O-Fisher' into
action. Stepping back I admired the way it went smoothly into action.
Hydraulic arms lifted various packs from the central hub and began to deploy
them. The auto-bivvy was inflated within seconds, followed by the camp bed
and sleeping bag. Robo-maid began to make tea and bacon butties whilst the
Daiwa 'Swim Manager' drove in the rod rests with impeccable precision. Once
the three submersible drones had located the fish the Rowenta 'Bait 'n'
Boilie' mixer began firing ground bait with unerring accuracy at the spot.
Meanwhile the 'Tackl-Eezy' had set up the rods and, once the ground bait had
been distributed, delivered the baited hooks to the swim via 'Tuggit'
compressed-air mini torpedoes. I was now ready to catch some fish. Donning
the 'Sonar-Speak' earphones I listened to its reports. "A carp, approximate
weight 12 lbs, is appoaching bait number 17. 6 feet and closing, five feet
and closing. Fish has turned away and gone out of range. Alert! Alert!
There is a pike in your swim. Shall I eliminate it?" And so on until,
soothed by its gentle drone (and the tea and butties) I switched on the
'Auto-Catch' system and had a nice sleep instead. When I awoke there were
six fish in the keepnet, one was a 19lb carp, a personal best for me. I
went home with an inner glow of satisfaction though I couldn't help but feel
superior to some other bloke that I passed along the bank. Unbelievably he
was float fishing. A float! I ask you? Bloody primitives like that
shouldn't be allowed on the water. By God, I love angling, it gives me a
chance to really get close to nature and to pit my wits against the wily
denizens of the deep. Now, I must investigate that super new product I've
seen advertised. The advertising blurb 'Catch big fish without getting out
of bed' sounds most intriguing.