Germans and Englishmen in the news

- A German inventor had the idea of placing a specially adapted mobile
phone in the coffins of the dead. That way relatives could call up and
speak to their dear departed without having to leave home.

- The northern English city of Carlisle had second thoughts about an art
project in which the text of an ancient local curse was set on a stone
in the city centre. Not long after it was installed the city suffered
disastrous floods, a bout of cattle disease and local factory closures.

- Workers in a German post office thought they had a bomb on their hands
when a parcel began vibrating and making strange noises. It turned out
to contain an inflatable sex toy.

- A pastor in Denmark's established church who had been suspended
because he did not believe in God was allowed back into the fold. "We're
giving him another chance," said the religious affairs minister, who
oversees the Lutheran Protestant Church.

_Denmark -- what the hell, close enough to Germany._ :-)

- A mute young man who was found wandering on a southern English beach,
and who was reported to be a virtuoso piano player, had media around the
world fascinated for months. He was later found to be a German
fame-seeker -- and it turned out he didn't play the piano all that well
either.

_Both German and English! Outstanding!_

- A top official with the tennis tournament at
Wimbledon, England took the opportunity of his retirement speech to
complain about vocal grunting by female players, which he said was
getting ever louder.

- The German interior ministry said that people being snapped for ID
photographs should no longer smile because it messed up their biometric
recognition technology.

_Absolutely Perfect_

All the above was stolen from Yahoo.

--
Cut "to the chase" for my email address.

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:28:02 GMT, rw
wrote:

snip
Absolutely Perfect_

And you posted this on roff because...........?

Dave LaCourse wrote:
On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:28:02 GMT, rw
wrote:

snip

Absolutely Perfect_


And you posted this on roff because...........?

It's funny. At least I think so, but I realize that you have no sense of
humor.

--
Cut "to the chase" for my email address.

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 02:16:09 GMT, rw
wrote:

Dave LaCourse wrote:
On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:28:02 GMT, rw
wrote:

snip

Absolutely Perfect_




And you posted this on roff because...........?

It's funny. At least I think so, but I realize that you have no sense of
humor.

I have a marvelous sense of humor. Absolutely love a good joke or
funny story, but I fail to see how your post connects *at all* with
roff, unless, of course, you are referring to our English roffian who
now lives in Germany. But, you wouldn't pull a cheap shot like that,
would you, Barnard?

d;o)

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:28:02 GMT, rw
wrote:

- A German inventor had the idea of placing a specially adapted mobile
phone in the coffins of the dead. That way relatives could call up and
speak to their dear departed without having to leave home.

- The northern English city of Carlisle had second thoughts about an art
project in which the text of an ancient local curse was set on a stone
in the city centre. Not long after it was installed the city suffered
disastrous floods, a bout of cattle disease and local factory closures.

- Workers in a German post office thought they had a bomb on their hands
when a parcel began vibrating and making strange noises. It turned out
to contain an inflatable sex toy.

- A pastor in Denmark's established church who had been suspended
because he did not believe in God was allowed back into the fold. "We're
giving him another chance," said the religious affairs minister, who
oversees the Lutheran Protestant Church.

_Denmark -- what the hell, close enough to Germany._ :-)

- A mute young man who was found wandering on a southern English beach,
and who was reported to be a virtuoso piano player, had media around the
world fascinated for months. He was later found to be a German
fame-seeker -- and it turned out he didn't play the piano all that well
either.

_Both German and English! Outstanding!_

- A top official with the tennis tournament at
Wimbledon, England took the opportunity of his retirement speech to
complain about vocal grunting by female players, which he said was
getting ever louder.

- The German interior ministry said that people being snapped for ID
photographs should no longer smile because it messed up their biometric
recognition technology.

_Absolutely Perfect_

All the above was stolen from Yahoo.

Kinda weak, there, Stevie...there's nothing about Nazi homos in leather
lederhosen, biker caps, and engineer's boots waving giant buttplugs
around whilst gooseswishing up to bonfires with armloads of effeminate
rotten-toothed English Jews in public school ties while Klaus Tennstedt
conducting the London Philharmonic doing selections from Wagner blares
over a tinny PA system...you know, sorta like a Ketchum, Jr. Tuesday
night...

....and someone who lives part-time in Idaho via California who named
himself after a bunch of feathers might wish to think twi...oh,
yeah....nevermind...

Dave LaCourse wrote:

I have a marvelous sense of humor.

A man starts to tell a joke to someone in his office. He starts out
saying."Two Jews walk into a bar."

His listener stops him and says, "I am offended by jokes about Jews."

The joke teller says, "OK, how about Chinamen? Any problem if I make
them Chinese?"

Joke listener says, "Fine, Chinese, African, Canadian, I don't care.
Just no jokes about Jews."

Joke teller says, "OK, two Chinamen walk into a bar. One says to the
other Irving, such a thing has happened, you wouldn't believe."

--
Cut "to the chase" for my email address.

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 04:10:22 GMT, rw
wrote:

Dave LaCourse wrote:

I have a marvelous sense of humor.

A man starts to tell a joke to someone in his office.

snip

A homosexual faux cowboy walks into a bar in Idaho, and in his best
limp-wristed-light-in-the-loafers voice says to the bartender, "Hi.
Where are all the cowboys?"

"They're out back kicking the **** out of some queer."

The homosexual faux cowboy replies in his deepest manly voice, "Ya
don't say!"
***********

Now, I know you were waiting for me to reply with a homosexual joke,
so hope you aren't disappointed.

d;o)

Dave LaCourse wrote:

Now, I know you were waiting for me to reply with a homosexual joke,
so hope you aren't disappointed.

That was supposed to be a joke? Like I said, you have no sense of humor.

--
Cut "to the chase" for my email address.

"Dave LaCourse" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 04:10:22 GMT, rw
wrote:

Now, I know you were waiting for me to reply with a homosexual joke,
so hope you aren't disappointed.

d;o)


(Hat jemand gefurzt?)

Ja. Zo, Aber wann Dieter, die schwul konservative, er spricht, "Sie beruhren
(touch) meina
monkee, Zuckermauschen? "
Du sprechst . . . was?

"Kein problem, Seemann." Ja?

Ja,Ja das ist uber komisch, ja?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Auf Weidersehen Schnuckel.

Dave

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 13:11:41 -0800, "David Snedeker"
wrote:

a. Zo, Aber wann Dieter, die schwul konservative, er spricht, "Sie beruhren
(touch) meina
monkee, Zuckermauschen? "

You wanna touch my "monkee"? I don't think so, David, but I bet I
could find someone who'd let you touch theirs.