Happy St Patrick's Day

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar, drinking heavily.

After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but
think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly, Yes, that I am"

The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, I'm from Dublin I am."

The first guy responds, Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And
to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I
can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

"JR" wrote in message ...
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar, drinking heavily.

After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but
think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly, Yes, that I am"

The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, I'm from Dublin I am."

The first guy responds, Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And
to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I
can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."


Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little guy, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must
have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin'
he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy . "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight."
-tom

Paddy O'Furniture

There; I've done it. I just can't bear to tell that joke again, but
the punch line must be delivered at least once on St. Patty's Day.
It's the law.

Joe F.

"JR" wrote ...


"The Murphy twins are drunk again."


What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish Funeral?

One less drunk.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.


warning, blasphemy
How do you know that Christ was Irish?

At 33, he lived at home, was unemployed, thought his mother a virgin, and
she thought he was the son of god.


What's black and blue and floats in the Chicago river on March 18th?

Some wiseass who told Irish jokes on St. Pat's day.



Dan

"Daniel-San" wrote in message
. net...

What's black and blue and floats in the Chicago river on March 18th?

A dog that ran through it?

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
husband?"
"That's whut I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down
at the Guinness brewery ..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"
"Well, Brenda ... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Every dog has it's day, and every dog has two. - Huckleberry Hound
-tom

"Tom Nakashima" wrote ...

"Daniel-San" wrote ...

What's black and blue and floats in the Chicago river on March 18th?

A dog that ran through it?

Actually, the dog ran _over_ the river.

....the Chicago river hasn't caught on fire in what? 10 years?


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
husband?"
"That's whut I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident
down at the Guinness brewery ..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"
"Well, Brenda ... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."


One of the better ones out there.


Every dog has it's day, and every dog has two. - Huckleberry Hound
-tom


Dan

In article , Tom Nakashima
wrote:

"JR" wrote in message ...
snip

The first guy responds, Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street
did you live on in Dublin?"

snip


Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,

snip

These are the best two Irish jokes I've heard. This Irishman will
treasure (and steal) them. Like Irish pubs, they don't really have
Irish jokes in Ireland itself.

There's a nice comment on them by P.G.Wodehouse, who went to school,
along with that other great prose stylist, Raymond Chandler, at Dulwich
College, only about a mile from the particularly unsavory corner of
South London where I'm writing this. When Bertie Wooster shows Gussie
Fink-Nottle his script for Pat and Mike knockabout cross-talk act,
Gussie studies it with a sullen frown.

'The thing is absolute drivel. It has no dramatic coherence. It lacks
motivation and significant form. Who are these men supposed to be?'

'I told you. A couple of Irishmen named Pat and Mike.'

'...He prefaces his remarks at several points with the expressions
"Begorrah" and "Faith and begob". Irishmen don't talk like that. Have
you ever read Synge's *Riders to the Sea* ? Well get hold of it and
study it, and if you can show me a single character in it who says
"Faith and begob", I'll give you a shilling. Irishmen are poets. They
talk about their souls and mist and so on. They say things like "An
evening like this, it makes me wish I was back in County Clare,
watchin' the cows in the tall grass".'

Lazarus