OT Bush Outsourced

OFFICE OF PRESIDENT TO BE OUTSOURCED


Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to India as of April 1, 2006. The move is
being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the
aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American
jobs extensively. "America cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
stage with our current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of President as of April 1, 2006. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him eligible for the position.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage
or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of
the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day
job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem because Bush is not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh
will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common
concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all, as does
Mr. Bush.

After April 1, and following a two week waiting period, Mr. Bush will be
eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will
not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
Manpower suggested a Greeter position at Wal-Mart due to Bush's extensive
experience shaking hands and wry smile.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard.
His prior records are vague but, should he choose this option, he would
likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month before being sent to Iraq.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit he once made to the Baghdad
Airport's terminal and gift shop.