PIRANHA ATTACK AT SMITHSONIAN AN INNOCENT MISTAKE, LARRY KING LEARNS

======================
HOT FLASH
====================

By Oliver Shagnasty
The Washington Pist
WASHINGTON, DC. -- The man
arrested for placing piranha in the
Smithsonian Institution's indoor pool,
causing a former Secretary to lose
part of his weener, told Larry King
last night that it was an innocent
mistake.
Ed Conrad, speaking by phone
from his prison cell after his strait
jacket was removed, said he indeed
had bought the piranha in Sam's
Tropical Fish store but his intention
was to purchase a half-dozen trout.
"But the freakin' clerk -- It was his
first day on the job -- goofed and put
six piranha in the bag," he told King.
"The retard apparently can't
read, either, because I told him I
wanted TROUT food and a pamphlet
on catching TROUT in the Amazon."
The tragic mistake wound up
costing Lawrence M. Small the head
of his Love Stick when one of the hungry
piranha took a few nips just moments
after a paparazzi had taken his picture.

http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...veTheWhale.jpg

Some 122 Smithsonian staff
witnessed the vicious attack and
some even puked when Small was
pulled out of the radish-red water.
"Mistakesdo happen, Larry," Conrad
told King. "I think it was manly of David
Iain Greig, moderator of the talk.origins
newsgroup, to offer to be a penis donor
so Mr. Small could regain his manhood.
"It's just too bad that Greig's weener
was rejected because it was the wrong
color."
Conrad told King that he learned
that the pea-brained clerk has been
fired and has since accepted a job
with the U.S. Department of Fisheries.

MORE MORE MORE

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AN EVEN LATER BULLETIN
=========================
By Oliver Shagnasty
The Washington Pist
WASHINGTON, DC -- The man
accused of placing piranha in the
Smithsonian Institution's indoor
swimming pool told a district judge
today that he has Alzheimers and
doesn't remember "a god damn thing."
"I don't remember nothin'," Ed
Conrad told Judge Preston Duquesne
74 times when questioned by the
prosecutor during his preliminary
hearing.
Lawrence B. Small, ousted Secretary
of the Smithsonian, was taking a dip
in the Institution's private indoor swim-
ming pool earlier this week when a
piranha bit off the head of his penis.
Conrad told the court he has
absolutely no knowledge of being
involved even though a video from
Sam's Tropical Fish store shows
him buying six piranha, a $4.99 box
of piranha food, a copy of "Catching
Piranha in the Amazon," as well as
a souvenir blue "Smithsonian
Staff" T-shirt.
Meanwhile, it was confirmed that
Small has accepted an offer with
an internationally acclaimed carnival
and soon would be joining its world-
wide tour.

http://www.nurple.com/sideshow/

The victim was offered a weener
transplant by good-hearted David Iain
Greig, moderator of the talk.origin
newsgroup, but surgeons felt it
wouldn't do because it wasn't the
right color.
Small, wearing a cast on his crotch,
was in the court room seated next to
Cristián Samper, Acting Secretary of
the Smithsonian.
TV anchors Keith Olbermann of
"Countdown" on MSNBC and Bill O'Reilly
of "The Factor" on Fox News were seated
far apart but staring daggers at
each another.
Conspicuous by their absence were
Lou Dobbs. Chris Matthews, Brian
Williams, Charles Gibson, Katie
Couric, Larry King, ABC, CBS, NBC,
AP. UPI, Reuters and Pravda.
MORE MORE MORE

==========================================.

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR PENIS
http://www.vasectomy-information.com/humor/manual.htm

EXPLAINING THE WEENER (and other good stuff...)
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=weener

THOSE ******* PIRANHA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piranha

HOW LAWRENCE B. SMALL SAVED TAXPAYERS' MONEY (For Himself)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...031801369.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...031900078.html

=======================
EARLIER BULLETIN
=======================

By Oliver Shagnasty
The Washingtan Pist
WASHINGTON, DC -- City police
today apprehended the person they
claim had placed piranha in the
Smithsonin's indoor swimming pool
earlier this week, causing former
ousted Secretary Lawrence M. Small
his precious manhood and as well
as considerable embarrassment.
The suspect was identified as one
Ed Conrad who was accompanied
by his Huskie named Blue.

http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...onrad&Blue.jpg

Conrad, who doesn't know his ass
from a hole in the ground, has long
thought he was smarter than the
Smithsonian "experts" but we all
know that he has a petrified brain
made of coal.
Where was this freakin' nutcase
when "real" brains were given out?
Will somebody please pass me the
darts?

http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...dDartboard.jpg

MORE MORE MORE

===============================================

EARLIER EXCLUSIVE
WASHINGTON, DC (Rueters) -- Lawrence M. Small,
former Secretary of the Smithsonian, lost his weener this
morning during a swim in the Institution's private indoor
swimming pool.
Small, who enjoys taking a dip after breakfast, was bitten
by one or more piranha which authorities say probably had
been put in the pool by one Ed Conrad.
Conrad, respected on the Internet as a leader of conserving
Cyberspace, apparently was miffed because the Smithsonian
has long denied his discoveries of petrified bones, teeth and soft
organs -- some HUMAN -- between anthracite coal veins, which
obviously destroys the facetious Theory of man's Evolution..
A photo was taken by a Paparazzi just seconds before
the piranha attack.
Mr. Small, at the hospital preparing for a penis transplant
from talk.origins moderator David Iain Greig, a donor,
said he may have to find a new line of work and admits
he has received several offers to join the carnival and
tour as a freak.

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TRUTH VS. THE MONUMENTAL LIE OF MAN'S EVOLUTION
(Fossils -- SOME HUMAN -- Found Between Coal Veins)

http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...HumanSkull.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...sOldasCoal.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...iscoveries.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...oreFossils.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...HumanBrain.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...estResults.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/F...OldestTool.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Scorpion.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-013F.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-022S.JPG

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The anthros, their interests SO vested
And Poor Truth, for too long molested
Their deceit and deception
Near the point of perfection
If it were MY call, they'd ALL be arrested

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PETRIFIED FOSSILS STILL EMBEDDED IN SLATE

http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-002S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-003S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-006S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-007S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-009S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-010S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/N...s/MVC-012S.JPG

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Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad,com
Man as Old as Coal
and
Proof of Life After Death

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SEE THE BLOODY-RED POOL FOR YOURSELF
http://www.nmnh.si.edu/anthro/cm/directions.htm