Redneck church--joke

With all the foul language and personal attacks lately I thought some of
you might enjoy a little change of pace. Think this church is located
somewhere in Western N.C.





You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of
the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn
that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, andwhat
bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd
like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women
stand up.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season
is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the
"OK Chorale".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of 500
members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as
"branding".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set
the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is
what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2
galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are
really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are
called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife
drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know Your Church Is A RedneckChurch if... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church Is A RedneckChurch if... "Thou shalt not covet"
applies to hunting dogs, too.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"