Jokes

A man was surf fishing along the beach when he found a bottle. He looked
around but didn't see anyone so he opened it

A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I
am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but
I can only grant one."

The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to
Hawaii and fish along the beautiful beaches of Hawaii. I've never been able
to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a
boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a
road to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I
can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling
needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the
bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that really is
just too much to ask."

The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one
other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand
women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are
they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they
don't. Basically, what makes them tick."

The genie thought for a while and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"


A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a gift

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the
counter where there's a shop assistant wearing dark shades. "Excuse me sir"
she says "can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

The assistant replies "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I
can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test
line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's only £20.00".

The lady said, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of
it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take
it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman
breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that
there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that
she was the only person around.

The assistant rings up the sale and says, "That will be £25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was £20.00?"

"Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is £20.00, but the duck call is £3.00, and the
catfish stink bait is £2.50."