What would YOU do?

I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.

So, again, what would you do?

giles

On Feb 19, 7:02*pm, Giles wrote:
I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. *I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, *There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.
Pie
So, again, what would you do?

giles

Piece of cake. Contact the owner.
No questions.
Frank Reid

On 19/02/2011 6:25 PM, Frank Reid © 2010 wrote:
On Feb 19, 7:02 pm, wrote:
I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.
Pie
So, again, what would you do?

giles

Piece of cake. Contact the owner.
No questions.
Frank Reid

Contact the owner.

I have been in this situation three times. Once I found a wallet
downtown. Mostly empty, but I drove it over to the owner's house as
there was a card with an address on it. The second time, I found a
wallet with cash in it by an automated teller at the bank. I drove it
over to the woman's home, and gave it to her husband who yelled at me. A
third time, I found a wallet in a parking lot. I checked for id, and
just before I got in the car to go to the owner's house, she drove up
and I was able to return it to her.

I weigh these episodes against the two times I lost my wallet in two
different bars when I was much younger. The first time, I got it back
with no cash, the second I got it back with cash. Both times, I was glad
to have my id mostly. I don;t think I had any credit cards then.

Tim Lysyk.

On Feb 19, 5:25*pm, Frank Reid © 2010 wrote:

Piece of cake. *Contact the owner.
No questions.
Frank Reid


Ditto ...

I found a wallet while out training dogs at a local lake a number of
years ago and did just that. The fellow was happiest about getting
his drivers license back, there wasn't much cash and I got the
impression he had already canceled the few cards by the time I
contacted him.

Now, had it contained hundreds of thousands in cash ... I might be
typing a different reply ... from New Zealand ... now

On Feb 20, 9:02*am, Giles wrote:
I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. *I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, *There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.

So, again, what would you do?

giles

I'm with Frank...return it (in person if possible, or mail it
anonymously).

I once lost a wallet on the side of the highway. I had hitchhiked from
California to Maine, and just a dozen miles before my home, a friend
picked me up and he was headed back south to spend the day at the
beach. I hopped in, traveling clothes and all, and about an hour later
convinced him to pull over on the side of the highway at a very remote
spot so I could change to beach clothes. Somehow, during the change,
my wallet with my money, ID, credit cards, Social Security card, birth
certificate, some illegal seeds, and other odds and ends fell out.

The FOLLOWING fall, I got a package in the mail. A highway worker was
mowing the grass along the side of the road, and apparently (from the
slices on the wallet), it had jammed the scissor blade on his mower.
He retrieved it and sent it to me....with my money inside, my IDs, my
SSID, my (now pretty moldy) birth certificate and the tangled roots of
some illegal seeds that had valiantly tried to make a go of it.

The return of my SSID and Birth Certificate were crucial, the money
was a bonus. But I'll never forget how much my opinion of human nature
improved when that one highway worker returned a lost wallet a YEAR
later from a the roadside on a remote section of I95 in northern
Maine.

--riverman

On 2011-02-19 20:02:21 -0500, Giles said:

I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.

So, again, what would you do?

giles

You found it! Hallelujah, you found Fortenberry's wallet! He *does*
sound the type that would use a clutch purse, doesn't he?

If it *is* Fortenberry's, spend the cash and return the wallet. If it
*isn't* Fortenberry's, return to owner. You had to ask? Tsk, tsk.

Dave

On 2/19/2011 8:02 PM, Giles wrote:
I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.

So, again, what would you do?

giles

now that it is all recovered (by your samaritan labor), i'd do the same
thing you're gonna do. you are ahead of me in the collection part
though...i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have been decent enough to stop and
gather the stuff up...esp. if i was driving on a well-traveled hiway
with cars behind me. kudos to you...

jeff

On Feb 19, 5:02*pm, Giles wrote:
I driving home late this afternoon on state hwy. 27, following a
minivan that had been moving MUCH too slowly for the past 17 miles.
All of a sudden, at the intersection with (isweartadog!) Jackpot Ave.,
the minivan's tire hits a wallet (actually, I guess, a woman's "clutch
purse".....nothing that big can qualify as a mere wallet in a forum
dominated by individuals with 6.5 to 15 ft. penises), flinging its
content hither and yon across the tarmac and the gravel shoulders.

Hm.....thinks I.....slamming on the brakes and decreasing the life
expectancy of the driver (and, perhaps, passengers as well.....I
wouldn't know) of the minivan behind me by a not inconsiderable span
of time.

I managed to coast off onto the shoulder without mishap. *I spent the
next five minutes chasing bits of paper and plastic (mostly
plastic.....more about which anon) along a hundred yards or so of
highway, dodging first left, and then right, and then left again,
etc., to avoid the crazed rush hour commuters.

At the end of the exercise I held in my hands (and lap.....it was a
considerable jumble) not more credit cards than I have ever owned in
my life, but more credit cards than I have ever SEEN in my
life.....well, in one place anyway, *There were also other odd bits of
detritus.....drivers license, work I.D., insurance cards, business
cards.....all the usual flotsam......um.....and some cash.

So, again, what would you do?

giles

Were all the credit cards in the same name?
Dave

On Feb 20, 10:23*pm, DaveS wrote:


Were all the credit cards in the same name?
Dave

Everything I looked at (all of the credit cards, driver's license and
a few other things) bore the same name.

Lots of interesting thoughts here, but Larry nailed it.....or came
closest, anyway.

It's never ceases to be amazing how many thoughts can go through one's
head in the briefest of intervals. By the time I stopped the truck
I'd gone from BINGO! (assuming the wallet/purse should be stuffed with
sequentially numbered large denomination American bills bearing a
credible resemblance to real American money.....yeah, I know) to
****! I didn't realize anyone was that close behind me, to a rough
estimate of the number of cards blowing willy-nilly down the highway,
to where best to park, to "of course!" you're going to return it all
to its owner, you ****in' chump. All this and a good deal more in
about three and a half seconds.

I once lost a wallet on the freeway in Milwaukee. Becky and I had
just gotten paid for a gazebo and deck we'd built. I had nineteen one
hundred dollar bills in the wallet. I happened to look in the rear-
view mirror just as it blew off of the roof and spread cash and sundry
other goods over a couple hundred yards of urban rush-hour traffic.
Not good. Fortunately, a good samaritan stopped to help collect it
all. Unfortunately, a Milwaukee county sherriff's deputy also stopped
and proceeded to use a good deal of what can best be described as
explosive language concerning the idiocy (not to mention questionable
legality) of prancing through and across four lanes of 60+ mile an
hour traffic. A bit of explanation served to calm the deputy
somewhat. In the meantime, Becky and the samaritan continued to pick
up stray bits of cash and other stuff. Five minutes later there was
not a speck of litter left on that stretch of road.....and I had ALL
of my I.D., credit cards, debit cards, library cards, Home Depot
receipts, expired lottery tickets.....and roughly half of my money.
Need one mention that Becky is implicitly trustworthy?

So much for samaritans.

Anyway, I drove the remaining two miles into town and flagged down the
first cop I saw. Asked him if he could relieve me of my burden or
should I take it into the station. He informed me that the
intersection of Hwy. 27 and Jackpot Ave. is outside the jurisdiction
of the city of Sparta Police Department.....you'll have to take it to
the sherriff's office.....you want me to take you there?

Well, thinks I, he's almost certainly wearing a vest......so, what the
****.....I go in search of the Monroe County Sherriff's Department
office.

When I explained my quest, the deputy's face lit up like I'd said,
hey, you've just been granted a second birthday this year and just
WAIT till you see what you're getting! Had a pretty smile, too. So,
suddenly (and, by now, unexpectedly) the whole thing turned out for
the best.

And then she said, could I please get your name and telephone number
in case the owner wants to get in touch with you?

****! ****! ****!

And now I've got the worst cold in living memory......just spent 38
hours in bed.

And I've already gotten three calls from a number I don't recognize.
****!

giles
who has known for a long long time that no good deed, however
trifling, goes unpunished.......but keeps on hoping.