Frank, I can count!

Now as you recall, I was having some trouble counting to ten. I could only
make it to nine and three quarters.

I puzzled over this, a lot more than most people might think. It troubled me
greatly to think that other people might think I could not count to ten.

I couldn't use my toes, not withstanding the trouble of taking of one's
shoes and socks, toes are for eleven through twenty. And then, last weekend
while I was cleaning my van it came to me, a small twinkle of light, the
little ray of hope, not unlike a still quiet voice. Ruby red in color it
was, a sunbeam beam dancing through a bead...the bead on the rosary that
hangs from my rear view mirror.

I was wearing my old gym shoes that I no longer bother to tie when I am just
tinkering around the house and considered for a moment of kicking them off
because I thought for a brief instant that my driveway might be holy ground.
I forwent those dramatics and just went to the dashboard and began to count.

You are not going to believe this but there are ten, count'em, ten beads on
that rosary.

And that twinkle of light transformed into a blinding supernova as the world
of mathematics began to unfold..

Multiplication (ten times my cash donations on last years tax return equals
my adjusted gross income) division ( my income divided by ten) addition AND
multiplication ( number of miles times cents per mile for yard cleaning and
volunteering at the fish fry and black jack dealing at the fund raisers)
Hell, I even got into percentages. Percent of tool wear and tear for the
spring clean ups and remodeling.

I suppose I should do more. The parish is kind of hard pressed since they
lost their priest - lost three in the area and Dayton is not all that big so
we share one - kind of like the traveling doctors in the old wild west. But
heck, I've only lived here seven years and I've not joined the parish yet so
I am content to give my tithe (noun, long 'i') or my tithe (noun short 'i').
I am just content to tithe (verb long 'i').

I wonder how many people know that the word tithe (long 'i') comes from the
word tithe (short 'i'). Most people aren't too well up on words you
know....look at how many have asked over the years what a 'clave' is.

We tell them it's short for conclave. And now there is a whole generation
who think that 'conclave' is a special event held by the Catholic Church
after a Pope dies. I daresay most of the newscasters who are using it
everyday do not know from whence the word 'conclave' comes.

I have however caught many editorial cartoonist having a good time relating
'conclaves' to all male events that exclude women, like football games and
poker parties.

Do you think maybe we should start calling our gatherings by another name,
like perhaps 'rendezvous?

I mean, sure as shootin' a visitor is going to come in, hear (read) us
talking about claves and conclaves and all and they, having been educated by
CNN, MSNBC and FOX will no doubt think that 'clave' is a holy word and that
we are, well, a bunch of creeps.

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten....aw heck, I'm
saying it anyway....

john