Practice, practice, practice

Some here have denigrated the "full Reid" (or fR). These are the folks
who do not know how hard it truly is to master this art. Like fly
fishing, anyone can flail around, but to really master the task, it
takes much practice.
For example, let me describe to you how my Monday 3-a-days went. At
the first buzz of the alarm clock at O-dark-thirty, I flailed around
like any newby his first time on a stream, reaching for the snooze
alarm. This flailing for the alarm clock ended up with me jamming the
thumbnail of my left hand into the back of my right hand. I nicked the
small artery, causing copious amounts of blood to stream across my bed
and a Kennedy dollar size bruise to form on my hand. This is my
standard morning warm up. But notice, this is only a warm up, no fR,
as I was flailing. No self respecting fR includes flailing. Flailing
is for amateurs and warming up. To accomplish a fR, one must learn to
succumb to the inevitable and go down with that all knowing smile on
your face. Be at one with ones fate.
Okay, warm up done, time to head out of the house. I sling my computer
bag over my right shoulder as I step down the stairs. This perfectly
timed motion allows the computer bag strap to envelope the newel post
on the banister. I take two sprightly steps, the bag yanks me back and
down and I do a perfect fR butt bump down the steps, only slowing as
the strap tightens around my neck, yanking my head into the top step.
I slip out of the strap and proceed with the fR butt slide to the
bottom of the stairs. The computer is left swinging gently from the
newel post. Awe yes, still got it.
After lunch, life is a bit dull. Tryptophan-induced comas strike my
coworkers. Time to wake them up.
I'm walking rapidly down a long hallway. I need to get a hold of a
coworker quickly. I'm searching the empty building for her. I hear a
door open behind me, I glance back but continue apace, its not her, I
turn my head back forward. I'm glad I turned my head when I did or I
would have taken the brunt of slamming into the column at full speed
with my shoulder. As it was, I was able to take the blow with my face.
See, I practice hitting things with my head, not my shoulder. My Ki
is strong. I was not only able to break the drywall, but yes, indeed I
was able to use my face to bend the metal corner support with my
forehead. Since I struck the corner of the column at an oblique angle,
only my face stopped, my feet were free to continue, which they did.
The lower part of my body did not stop until it lost traction and the
whole body achieved the horizontal about three feet above the floor. I
was able to slam to the floor without flailing. Like a diver with no
splash, I gained a unanimous ten from the judges when they saw the
beautific smile as I landed.
Yes, the two-inch-long bump and gash will heal, as fR's are like
earthquakes, many small ones relieve the pressure preventing a large
one. Luckily, I'm able to relieve that pressure not only for myself,
but for many of my coworkers. It is a service and a duty that I take
very seriously.
Frank Reid