Speaking of Cabin Fever

Okay, I pull up my browser for a quick check of the news. Hit Google
News. I usually start there and then delve off into the papers that
the articles lead me to. Here's what we have for headlines today:
Pig Breaks George's Heart.... Well, my first thought is that Rush
Limbaugh won't return Bush's phone calls. I guess it was a case of
kiss and squeal. No, its George Clooney's pet pig. The pig died. The
only reason we know this is that Clooney ordered 50 lbs of sausage
casing from Cabelas.
Okay, what next? NYC Bans Trans Fats from Eateries... Okay, that's
just mean. If some transexual who has to buy its pantyhose from the
women's section wants to go out for a quick piece of Clooney's Homemade
Sausage, it has to go to New Jersey. Maybe if it ran there a few
times, it could lose enough to fit into or afford .... Hefty Fee for
Hepburn's Dress... Yes, that slinky black dress from Breakfast at
Tiffany's was yanked out of the grave and sold at auction for $922,299
or $920,000 (NZ money) or $1m (Aussie bucks) or £410,000 or £467,000
(Irish) or 807-thousand dollars or $811,390 (what Romainians think it
sold for). This exceded the auction estimate of $150,000 for this size
two number. Hmm, maybe the NYC transexual has to run say... to Ecuador
to loose enough to fit into the dress.
Then again, said NYCCT (New York City Chunky Transexual) may have
already gone to NJ as ... E. Coli Threat May Have Passed In NJ!!! Ya
eat a Clooney Homemade Sausage thats been trucked to NYC in the back of
socially responsible solar powered Volvo, sold out of the back of said
Volvo to a NYCCT thats been banned from the local restaraunts, the
first think that NYCCT is gonna do is take a dump at the rest stop on
the Jersey Turnpike.
Damn, news is just too depressing. Now how do I get the little red
balls to go over to the green side or is it the other way 'round?
Frank Reid