Reidian hijinks...

Man-o-man, I was thinking of ROFF's own Mr. Reid the entire time:

So, anyways, one of our neighbors to our place in S. Mississippi is getting a
pool. Which, as those familiar with pools might understand, requires a rather
significant hole in the ground. And as those familiar with holes might guess, a
large hole produces a large pile of dirt. Well, hotgotdamn! We happen to a
have a need for the contents of just such a hole (or pile of dirt, as the case
may be). And as, um, well, "luck" would have it, I know the dirtwork
contractor. So we strike a deal on the dirt - he has it and really doesn't want
to carry it back to his material yard, and we need it at our place, not his
yard. It sounds like a match made in heaven for all concerned.

As those who pay attention to such things might know, the whole region has had a
period of soaking in the last several weeks. And this ties directly into the
need for the aforementioned dirt. About 100 feet of our entryway is pretty low
on one side and when it rains like it has been, it _looks_ OK, but anything
heavier than, oh, say, a malnourished hummingbird will sink right smooth up to
its axles...and yes, I realize that it is a rare hummingbird, regardless of its
status nutrition-wise, that has axles, but a 20 yard dump trailer has 'em. And
that leads us to the next stage in this little Reidsian drama...

The contractor and I tell his driver what the plan is. We even explain WHY we
are moving several hundred yards of dirt. And we caution him as to the
importance of keeping his tires, axles, and should he have any, hummingbirds,
well away from the ground...well, not so much "ground" as "quicksand" with St.
Augustine growing on the surface....on that particular side of the driveway.
Imagine our surprise when we see him not only backing toward the "NO ****ING
AXLES!!!" area clearly defined in the aforementioned prior strategy sessions.
Imagine my contractor friend's, um, "surprise" when he sees the aforementioned
large, loaded dump trailer rising to dump its cargo. And imagine his, um,
"surprise" when the axle - well, to be fair, it wasn't the whole axle, or
really, any of it, but rather, two (and this is key: on the same side) of the
tires connected to it - sinks slap up to the hub in the "yard."

Now, from past postings on ROFF, I realize that many here are not even passingly
familiar with large trucks, large trailers, dirtworks and/or the business of
such, etc. But, with a few exceptions, most seem to be at least passingly
familiar with "HOLY ****!!!" Well, let me assure you: put some 40,000
lbs/20,000 kilos of extremely wet clay soil into a dump trailer and then lift
that into the air at an angle approaching 45 degrees and then, suddenly drop one
side of it some 2-3 feet, "HOLY ****!!!" is _exactly_ what you will produce. Or
more specifically, you will, a) snap the king pin, b) twist the snot out of the
frame of the trailer, c) jamb the flock out of the hydraulic ram that lifts the
bed, etc., etc., etc. zz) produce a mess that requires at least two excavators
to help unmess.

Now, for those that might find themselves in such a situation, let me assure you
that a Komatsu 350 excavator will, in fact, stand up an (unloaded) 20 yard
usedtobeadumptrailer. It will do so with relative ease. What it will also do
is collapse a 24" dual-wall drainage culvert, even if it has been properly
installed in a properly-constructed _driveway_. Well, it will do so if it is
operated by the same goofy **** that has recent experience turning over 20 yard
dump trailers at nearly the same location. And to be fair, it didn't FULLY
collapse it - why, shoot, out of 20 feet, there's probably a good 1 or 2 whole
feet that are nearly usable. And as a side note - a smaller digger on a wheeled
tractor will easily unload, albeit slowly, a tumped dump. And if it operated by
someone who knows what they are doing, it'll do so without incident. Note to
Frank - don't try this at home...at least not my home. EVER. Really.

IAC, with some careful supervision, the tangled web he weaved was eventually
untangled, and the usedtobeculvert uncovered and snatched out of the trench. All
that is left is to go get another stick of culvert, bevel it and drop it in the
ditch, backfill and boxblade the drive. And, oh, lucky for me, it's not only
about 100 degrees F by 7am, the humidity is only around 152%. But on a positive
note, the chance of rain is only 50-60%....

Soon-to-be-sopping-friggin-sweatsoaked,
R