History of man

** See the realities below, Ken...

Bob Rickard
.................................................. .................................................. ..............................
"Ken Fortenberry" wrote in message
. net...
Rodney Long wrote:


NOW IT MAKES SENSE
snip

Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided
we're leaving.
** Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States
with us.
** Nothing new here... since liberals create nothing, they take what they
can steal to stay alive (dammit!)

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.
** You were giving California to Mexico, & now you're going to take it back?
You sure can't trust a lib.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
** Careful... stem cell research has always been legal everywhere, & you
know it. You are just mad because it isn't getting tax money for it, which
it is doing fine without.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
** What's the difference? They are both crooks & losers.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get WalMart.
** The Statue of Liberty is being ruined by the libs, & Wal-Mart will always
be where the people own the money, not where the government exists just to
take it.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
** The libs will keep intel & Microsoft about 30 seconds after the
conservative dollars are gone.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
** Thank God!

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
Alabama.
** They will join Alabama when they realize the libs hands have just gone
even deeper in their pockets.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay
their fair share.
** The libs would lose all tax revenue without conservatives to create it.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.
** This one is a hilarious mistake on your part, Ken... libs don't marry;
they lust live together or whatever else it is they do. And, you libs will
have a big bunch of single moms too now that homosexual women are getting
divorced from each other in those queer states.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and
we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
** I just let you ramble on freely there while you could. When you libs do
all that, your surrender will be obvious, & you will all be on their knees
giving blowjobs to muslim terrorists so fast that even the Chinese won't
have time to take you prisoner. Bye Bye!!!!

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of
all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
** Dream on, slaves & losers!

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy *******s believe you are people with higher
morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.
** Blah, blah, blah.

The truth of the wisdom here makes me weep with joy.

Bob
.................................................. .................................................. ..................

"Rodney Long" wrote in message
...


NOW IT MAKES SENSE

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of
the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately
to other true believers and to more liberals just to **** them off.

--
Rodney Long,
Inventor of the Mojo SpecTastic "WIGGLE" rig, SpecTastic Thread,
Nutri Shield insect repellent. ,Stand Out Hooks ,Stand Out Lures,
Mojo's Rock Hopper & Rig Saver weights, and the EZKnot
http://www.ezknot.com

"daytripper" wrote in message
...


One turn deserves another ;-)

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF RODNEY REPUBLICAN"
Ripped off from somewhere or another....

/daytripper (Happy Holidays ;-)

Yeah, that's pretty damn good.

I have saved it to antagonize my co-workers, after he holidays.

Op

"Doug" wrote in message
news:H4xjh.3457$dw6.3151@trndny02...
Uh oh, WARREN, Opus will come down on you for that comment. He scans
this group for Usenet infractions, and issues citations...

Merry Christmas,

Doug


"WARREN WOLK" wrote in message
news:9%vjh.3093$6Z5.2364@trndny01...
Nothin like ringing in the New Year with a totally inappropriate thread
for this newsgroup.

Bah Humbug...

Warren

No, actually I challenge morons.

No need to challenge you, as you have exposed yourself as a moron.

Thanks, you saved me some time and effort!

Op

Lighten up, It was a joke.... Move on, life is to short man.... lol
With the weather being to cold to fish in the lakes, it's still a hoot to
fish for the elusive, yet easily pursuaded, Opus fish. Once found, he bites
easily.

Merry Christmas, even to you, Opus,

Doug

No, actually I challenge morons.

No need to challenge you, as you have exposed yourself as a moron.

Thanks, you saved me some time and effort!

Op

"Doug" wrote in message
news:69zjh.3549$6Z5.791@trndny01...
Lighten up, It was a joke.... Move on, life is to short man.... lol
With the weather being to cold to fish in the lakes, it's still a hoot to
fish for the elusive, yet easily pursuaded, Opus fish. Once found, he
bites easily.

Merry Christmas, even to you, Opus,

Doug

And a happy Id al-Adha to you!

Id al-Adha (a.k.a. the Feast of Sacrifice or Day of Sacrifice) occurs during
the 12th month of the Islamic year. This immediately follows the Hajj
(pilgrimage to Mecca). It recalls the day when Abraham intended to follow
the instructions of God, and sacrifice his son Ishmael. (This is not a typo;
Muslims believe that Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his elder son
Ishmael; Judeo-Christians believe that it was Isaac who was involved in the
near sacrifice).

No joke!

Op --Allah is God and Muhammed is his Prophet--

"Ken Fortenberry" wrote in message
And I didn't even have to twitch the fly to get a rise out
of you. Happy Holidays to you John.

Thank you Ken. We are having 40 people over tomorrow morning - friends and
family all. It will be a Merry Christmas for everyone.

Went fishing today on nearly frozen water - just to keep this on topic and
off the netcops radar - and didn't catch a damned thing. As soon as I hit
the water, the sun broke out and a high pressure system announced itself to
SE Michigan. Damned sun anyway. Oh well, better luck next year.

This has been a very humorous thread. You did a good job getting it going
Rodney. Thanks to all who particpated. If you can't fish, at least smile
once in a while.

One further thought Ken, that was one damned fine steelhead!