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NEWS BULLETIN -- Sarah Palin No Longer McCain's Running Mate



 
 
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Old October 20th, 2008, 09:40 PM posted to alt.politics,alt.fishing,alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,alt.horror
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Default NEWS BULLETIN -- Sarah Palin No Longer McCain's Running Mate


COLORADO SPRINGS, CO
(Rueters) -- John McCain will have
a new running mate in the Nov. 4
Presidential election, it was revealed by
Republican campaign headquarters
today.
A spokesman said Palin was eaten
alive by at least a dozen piranha while
taking a bath in her room room at the
Clairon Hotel and Conference Center
prior to a rally this afternoon.
Local police have ruled out an
accident and believe some nutcase
simply feared Palin was a heartbeat
away from occupying the Oval Office if
a miracle occurs and the Republicans
win the general elecion.
"It was either that or someone who
had a yen for protecting moose," a
detective noted.

============

http://www.biology-blog.com/images/b...ranha-1271.jpg

Sarah Palin (left) with Tina Frey on Saturday Night Live.
http://blog.mlive.com/mediumfidelity...tina-sarah.jpg

============

Preston Duqesne, the hotel manager
who insisted his name not be used, said
"screams were heard, soon there was
complete silence, then a chambermaid
found bits and pieces of Palin's body
floating in ruby-red water."
Police investigators said it was not
a pleasant sight.
"Actually, it was such a horrible scene
that I puked on myself twice," said a
veteran detective, "I had to go
ome and change clothes."

MORE MORE MORE

==============

More gruesome details at
http://www.republicancampaignheadquarters.com/

WARNING:
Please Do Not Let the Kiddies See the Pictures . .

Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad.com

TOP 100 U.S. NEWSPAPERS
Rank Newspaper Inflated Circulation
1. USA Today (Arlington, Va.) 2,528,437
2. Wall Street Journal (New York, N.Y.) 2,058,342
3. Times (New York, N.Y.) 1,683,855
4. Times (Los Angeles) 1,231,318
5. Post (Washington, DC) 960,684
6. Tribune (Chicago) 957,212
7. Daily News (New York, N.Y.) 795,153
8. Inquirer (Philadelphia) 705,965
9. Post/Rocky Mountain News (Denver) 704,806
10. Chronicle (Houston) 692,557
11. Post (New York, N.Y.) 691,420
12. News/Free Press (Detroit) 669,315
13. Morning News (Dallas) 649,709
14. Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 606,698
15. Globe (Boston) 604,068
16. Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.) 599,628
17. Journal-Constitution (Atlanta) 561,405
18. Arizona Republic (Phoenix) 556,465
19. Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.) 488,825
20. Chronicle (San Francisco) 451,504
21. Plain Dealer (Cleveland) 450,875
22. Times/Post-Intelligencer (Seattle) 435,581
23. Post-Dispatch (St. Louis) 423,291
24. Times (St. Petersburg, Fla.) 422,410
25. Union-Tribune (San Diego) 408,392
26. Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee) 405,355
27. Sun (Baltimore) 401,918
28. Herald (Miami) 390,171
29. Oregonian (Portland) 384,729
30. Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, Pa.) 373,980
31. Star (Kansas City, Mo.) 367,712
32. Register (Orange County, Calif.) 354,632
33. Dispatch (Columbus, Ohio) 352,510
34. Star (Indianapolis) 347,217
35. Express-News (San Antonio, Tex.) 342,709
36. Sentinel (Orlando, Fla.) 341,025
37. South Florida Sun-Sentinel (Fort Lauderdale, Fla.) 339,728
38. Bee (Sacramento, Calif.) 330,993
39. Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Tex.) 322,824
40. Tribune & Times (Tampa, Fla.) 309,916
41. Enquirer/Post (Cincinnati) 293,151
42. Daily Oklahoman (Oklahoma City) 287,505
43. Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock, Ark.) 275,991
44. Observer (Charlotte, N.C.) 274,125
45. News (Buffalo, N.Y.) 273,177
46. Courant (Hartford, Conn.) 272,918
47. Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.) 271,920
48. Mercury News (San Jose, Calif.) 263,373
49. Pioneer Press (St. Paul, Minn.) 251,565
50. Register (Des Moines, Iowa) 240,912
51. Tennessean (Nashville) 236,563
52. World-Herald (Omaha, Neb.) 231,115
53. Herald (Boston) 230,344
54. American-Statesman (Austin, Tex.) 228,619
55. Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.) 225,730
56. Times-Union (Jacksonville, Fla.) 222,392
57. Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, N.Y.) 219,660
58. Times-Dispatch (Richmond, Va.) 219,595
59. Review-Journal (Las Vegas) 219,228
60. Journal (Providence, R.I.) 218,388
61. Commercial Appeal (Memphis) 216,705
62 News & Observer (Raleigh, N.C.) 213,878
63. Post (W. Palm Beach, Fla.) 211,697
64. Investors Business Daily (Los Angeles) 210,708
65. Record (Hackensack, N.J.) 206,086
66. Asbury Park Press (Neptune, N.J.) 199,723
67. Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.) 190,613
68. Press-Enterprise (Riverside, Calif.) 189,000
69. Daily News (Los Angeles) 187,740
70. Bee (Fresno, Calif.) 183,744
71. Press (Grand Rapids, Mich.) 182,810
72. News (Birmingham, Ala.) 180,451
73. Daily Star (Tucson, Ariz.) 173,064
74. Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio) 170,870
75. Daily News (Dayton, Ohio) 168,645
76. Post-Standard (Syracuse, N.Y.) 168,393
77. Blade (Toledo, Ohio) 167,686
78. Advertiser (Honolulu) 160,723
79. Tribune-Review (Greensburg, Pa.) 158,013
80. Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.) 153,291
81. News-Sentinel (Knoxville, Tenn.) 152,945
82. Tribune/Deseret News (Salt Lake City) 151,422
83. Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 150,936
84. Journal (Albuquerque) 149,455
85. Wisconsin State Journal/Capital Times (Madison, Wis.) 148,489
86. Patriot-News (Harrisburg, Pa.) 148,301
87. Journal News (White Plains, N.Y.) 144,231
88. Eagle (Wichita, Kans.) 143,948
89. Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.) 141,019
90. State (Columbia, S.C.) 140,362
91. Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Fla.) 138,675
92. News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.) 137,730
93. News Journal (Wilmington, Del.) 134,865
94. Times Union (Albany, N.Y.) 133,787
95. La Opinion (Los Angeles) 128,553
96. Republican (Springfield, Mass.) 125,864
97. News-Journal (Daytona Beach, Fla.) 125,754
98. Daily News (Philadelphia) 123,483
99. Journal Gazette/News-Sentinel (Fort Wayne, Ind.) 121,475
100. Spokesman-Review (Spokane, Wash.) 120,632

 




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