Installing (Long)

While reading this I couldn't help but think our own Frank Reid had possibly
just installed an electric fence?

Go "fishing" and have a great weekend all!
JT

Installing an Electric Fence







Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing
an
electric fence!

We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months
ago, I
heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and
ran a
single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest
cattle
charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used
an 8 ft.
long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground.

The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the
better
the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp Big
Wheel push
mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard.

I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower
around
the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right
hand and
the
1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand.

Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and
has a
picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front
side of my
body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower
ignition
firing in the backside of my brain.

Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the
spark in my
head. I was literally at one with the engine.. It seems as though
the fence
charger and the lawnmower were fighting over who would control my
electrical
impulses. Science says you cannot crap and pee at the same time. I
beg to
differ. Not only did I do both at once, but my bowels emptied 3
different
times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
movement,
where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and "BAM,
BAM, BAM"
you just crap your pants 3 times; It seemed like there were minutes
in
between, but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust
pulses
from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30
minutes
(maybe
2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire.

My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I
grew up on
a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had
those
"piece of crap" chargers made by International or whoever that were
like 9
volts and just 'kinda tickled. This I could not let go of.

The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through
the
permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil.

At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take
it,
until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

Damn!, I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the
lawnmower is
starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as
if it had
some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it.

Covered in poop and pee and with my balls on my chest, I think 'Oh
God
please let me die... pleeeeze let me die'.

But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and
remains
there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go
command from
its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
standing in
my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that
day... he
left me there covered in my own fluids to writhing the misery my own
stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up
laying on
the ground hours later.

The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas.

It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large
dead
grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny
dead
spot were the wire

had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume
I
finally had a

seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the
wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few
things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my

feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop and pee when all mixed

together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our
little
session cleared out some carbon fouling or something,

because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average

yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the Game Room

by farting while thinking of the number 4

(still don't understand this!)


That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things.
I
appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to
make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence,
I can
clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT
gives me
a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple
check
before I mow.
_________________________

In article , JT
writes
While reading this I couldn't help but think our own Frank Reid had possibly
just installed an electric fence?

Go "fishing" and have a great weekend all!
JT

Installing an Electric Fence


Wonderful simply wonderful!

Now I can't wait to see the film - the book was brilliant.
--
Bill Grey

While reading this I couldn't help but think our own Frank Reid had possibly
just installed an electric fence?

I'm sitting here with back spasms, waiting to go to the chiropractor
when he opens. Now I don't think I'll have to go as I laughed so hard
my back popped in three places.
Frank Reid

"Frank Reid" wrote in message
...

While reading this I couldn't help but think our own Frank Reid had
possibly
just installed an electric fence?

I'm sitting here with back spasms, waiting to go to the chiropractor
when he opens. Now I don't think I'll have to go as I laughed so hard
my back popped in three places.
Frank Reid

Maybe you have a twin brother?

Hope you are feeling better,
JT