OT Found on the Internet

We get two Kennedys and no Bush, a hell of a deal. I'de be willing to
take a dozen if it meant no Bush.

wrote:
Ken Fortenberry wrote:
Saw this posted and had a good laugh.

Enjoy.

-
Ken
================================================== =======================
Subject: Dear Red States

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided
we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.We
get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You
get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.We get Intel and
Microsoft. You get WorldCom.We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama. We get two-thirds ofthe tax revenue, you get to make the
red states paytheir fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch ofhappy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be prochoice and antiwar and
we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't
care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the country's fresh water,more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent
of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy *******s believe you are people with higher
morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.

You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California

I did not author this, and am simply passing it along. Cross-posted at
MyDD and Carrie's Bar & Grill

On the down side, (for you), you also get Ted Kennedy. {;-)

wrote in message
ups.com...

On the down side, (for you), you also get Ted Kennedy. {;-)

On the brighter side, Ted K. only killed one woman, while Dubya has killed
somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 innocent civilians in Iraq and
Afghanistan :~^(

Mark

Ken Fortenberry wrote:
Saw this posted and had a good laugh.

Enjoy.
================================================== =======================
Subject: Dear Red States

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.

Hmmmm. . . this isn't gonna be easy. I like it here is MA, but it
doesn't get much bluer. Is there any way we could have a red state take
Teddy and JFK III for target practice in a trade for two
politicians-to-be-named-later and a first-round draft pick? I'd like to
stay here, and that would go a long way toward satisfying the Clean Air
Act. ;-)
--
TL,
Tim
---------------------------
http://css.sbcma.com/timj/

"Ken Fortenberry" wrote in message
...
...you should really
try to see Michigan's UP one of these days....

Michigan has no upper peninsula. It's a myth. I know. I saw it from a
trail that goes nowhere near it. It's just weed choked parking lot.

Wolfgang
they got some good barstools though.

asadi wrote:

On the down side, (for you), you also get Ted Kennedy. {;-)


If he had been driving a Volkswagen he'd be president.

john

I remember that fake ad from National Lampoon. Hilarious then, hilarious
now. Thanks for the reminder.
--
Stan Gula
http://gula.org/roffswaps

Stan Gula wrote:
asadi wrote:

On the down side, (for you), you also get Ted Kennedy. {;-)

If he had been driving a Volkswagen he'd be president.

I remember that fake ad from National Lampoon. Hilarious then, hilarious
now. Thanks for the reminder.

Volkswagen sued National Lampoon and that issue was pulled
from the newsstands within days and reissued without the
offending fake ad.

I attended a lecture by a former editor of the National
Lampoon titled "Toe Sucking in Albania" in the early 70's.
He said that was the only time the National Lampoon ever
caved to a lawsuit.

--
Ken Fortenberry

On Wed, 27 Jul 2005 19:07:22 -0500, "Wolfgang"
wrote:


"Ken Fortenberry" wrote in message
m...
...you should really
try to see Michigan's UP one of these days....

Michigan has no upper peninsula. It's a myth. I know. I saw it from a
trail that goes nowhere near it. It's just weed choked parking lot.

Wolfgang
they got some good barstools though.

It's got Len (dances with captive wolves) MacDougal. You probably saw
an area near him, where the landscape was trying to hide him and
pretend it and he were somewhere else.

Cyli
r.bc: vixen. Minnow goddess. Speaker to squirrels.
Often taunted by trout. Almost entirely harmless.

http://www.visi.com/~cyli
email: lid (strip the .invalid to email)

On Wed, 27 Jul 2005 20:57:06 GMT, Ken Fortenberry
wrote:

Sarge wrote:

That is so nice ...

No, Sarge. That was *not* nice. It was leftie sarcasm
served up with a side of snide and a desert of sour
grapes.

Are you new around here ?

Nah, he shows up periodically. Like a comet if you think he's quick
and beautiful. Like a woman's cycle if you think the other way. A
little simple minded, but he seems sincere.


Cyli
r.bc: vixen. Minnow goddess. Speaker to squirrels.
Often taunted by trout. Almost entirely harmless.

http://www.visi.com/~cyli
email: lid (strip the .invalid to email)

"Cyli" wrote in message
news
On Wed, 27 Jul 2005 19:07:22 -0500, "Wolfgang"
wrote:
Michigan has no upper peninsula. It's a myth. I know. I saw it from a
trail that goes nowhere near it. It's just weed choked parking lot.

Wolfgang
they got some good barstools though.

It's got Len (dances with captive wolves) MacDougal. You probably saw
an area near him, where the landscape was trying to hide him and
pretend it and he were somewhere else.

Cyli

That's the nitwit who writes books about "wilderness" experiences in the
Lake Superior State Forest and advertises his expertise over in
rec.backcountry, right? He's funny.

Wolfgang

On Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:34:17 -0500, "Wolfgang"
wrote:


"Cyli" wrote in message
news
On Wed, 27 Jul 2005 19:07:22 -0500, "Wolfgang"
wrote:
Michigan has no upper peninsula. It's a myth. I know. I saw it from a
trail that goes nowhere near it. It's just weed choked parking lot.

Wolfgang
they got some good barstools though.

It's got Len (dances with captive wolves) MacDougal. You probably saw
an area near him, where the landscape was trying to hide him and
pretend it and he were somewhere else.

Cyli

That's the nitwit who writes books about "wilderness" experiences in the
Lake Superior State Forest and advertises his expertise over in
rec.backcountry, right? He's funny.

Wolfgang

Yep. Lots of turgid self-promotional prose. I stopped reading him
before people started yelling at him for killing a bear that got into
his supplies. They had the odd idea that a competent woodsman living
in the 'wilderness' should be able to keep his supplies safe from
bears and vice versa. I suppose he could be funny if he weren't so
irritating. He doesn't come around much any more.

10 to 1 you'd never find him in the Gay Bar.

Cyli
r.bc: vixen. Minnow goddess. Speaker to squirrels.
Often taunted by trout. Almost entirely harmless.

http://www.visi.com/~cyli
email: lid (strip the .invalid to email)