For Valentines Day

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from 'Boyfriend 5.0' to 'Husband 1.0' and noticed
a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in
the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
'Boyfriend 5.0'.

In addition, 'Husband 1.0' uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such
as
• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Fly Rod 4.1.

'Conversation 8.0' no longer runs, and 'Housecleaning 2.6' simply
crashes the system.

• Please note that I have tried running 'Nagging 5.3' to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download
'Tears 6.2' and do not forget to install the 'Guilt 3.0' update.
• If that application works as designed, 'Husband 1.0' should then
automatically run the applications 'Jewelry 2.0' and 'Flowers 3.5'.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause 'Husband
1.0' to default to 'Grumpy Silence 2.5', 'Happy Hour 7.0' or 'Beer
6.1'.
• Please note that 'Beer 6.1' is a very bad program that will download
the 'Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta'.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Mother-In-Law
1.0' (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources).

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the 'Boyfriend 5.0'
program. These are unsupported applications and will crash 'Husband
1.0'.

In summary, 'Husband 1.0' is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support