The politics of nature

Strider wrote:

The Constitution would work just fine if it weren't for a bunch of
tofu sucking Liberals trying to "redefine" it every other week.


ok, finally, it appears i have found someone who can provide details...
i think i understand the tofu-sucking part... i've not ever seen tofu to
my knowledge, nor seen anyone suck it, but i suspect it would be
something i could recognize. anyway, what's the definition you believe
accurately identifies a "liberal"?... and can you identify those *******
"liberals" you claim are engaged in redefining the Constitution? thanks!!

jeff (poltically struggling with all such stuff ever since atomic-based
Coordinated Universal Time was implemented in 1972, superseding the
astronomically determined Greenwich Mean Time.)

jeff (poltically struggling with all such stuff ever since atomic-based
Coordinated Universal Time was implemented in 1972, superseding the
astronomically determined Greenwich Mean Time.)

In that case, how 'bout "leap second sucking conservatives?" I mean, we
need some consistency here. Since 1999, we've lost the leap second.
Hmmm, conservatives rise to power, leap second disappears.
Coincidence? I don't think so. I think the neo-cons are cooking the
atomic clock in their favor. They don't want the tofu-sucking liberals
to have one more second to prove the conspiracy theories right.
Frank Reid (who's seen a tofu in his cross hairs but could kill
something that ugly)

Frank Reid (who's seen a tofu in his cross hairs but COULDN'T kill
something that ugly)

"Francis Reid" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
...
Frank Reid (who's seen a tofu in his cross hairs but COULDN'T kill
something that ugly)

If it´s in your cross-hairs just fall in and drown it!

TL
MC

Frank Reid (who's seen a tofu in his cross hairs but COULDN'T kill
something that ugly)
=

If it=B4s in your cross-hairs just fall in and drown it!

It was kinda grey and bloated looking, something like a drowned corpse. =

Is twice-drowned tofu like twice-baked potato? We'll ask Danl, he's an
Awnoldstanian and they are over-run with tofus on the left coast.
Frank Reid (thinking that Mike may be insinuating something about me and
drowning)

"Francis Reid" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
...
Frank Reid (who's seen a tofu in his cross hairs but COULDN'T kill
something that ugly)

If it´s in your cross-hairs just fall in and drown it!

It was kinda grey and bloated looking, something like a drowned corpse.
Is twice-drowned tofu like twice-baked potato? We'll ask Danl, he's an
Awnoldstanian and they are over-run with tofus on the left coast.
Frank Reid (thinking that Mike may be insinuating something about me and
drowning)

Once upon a time, my late wife decided that we needed to eat more "healthy"
stuff, and brought home a bag of tofu. ( There are a more than
insignificant number of nutcases extant, who consider such depressingly
defeatist insults and abject apologies for food "healthy", and have the
monumetal cheek to write books about it). Some apparently exist on
"Multi-vitamin"-juice, tofu, and wild rice. You can recognise them by the
smell.

It was a most peculiar colour, a sort of very unhealthy looking greyish
off-white, ( although it was more or less motionless, apart from a light but
disturbing oily sheen, evocative of old sump-oil in a muddy puddle, which
induced more than a touch of queasiness in the casual observer, except when
poked, upon which stimulation it displayed a most upsetting tendency to
"wobble"), it also tasted more or less as it looked. My wife, indefatigable
as she was, tried a number of recipes, fried, boiled, steamed, grilled,
tossed ( my favourite, and into the bloody garden, where even the cat
learned to fear it!), with various sauces and a host of "healthy"
ingredients.

This in no way improved the flavour, or the texture, which was somewhat
reminiscent of rubbery white china clay which has "gone off". ( You don´t
want to know how I know what white china clay tastes like!). You can tell it
has "gone off" by the fine coating of blueish grey hairs covering the
surface. ( The clay, not the tofu), Which doubtless some inventive, well
loved, but very badly fed soul has already tried to use as dubbing. Some
folks are simply unaware of the bounds of decency. Belly lint, sock fluff,
and jockey short scrapings, being of course well within such bounds.

Practically the only solution I found for the problem, was a bottle of
brandy, before I even attempted to consume the aforementioned abominations.
Another bottle immediately afterwards also helped to reduce the trauma
"after the fact". Best of all, was two bottles, one before, and one after
one had tossed the objectionable ordure in question into the rhododendrons.
( They have barely recovered in the meantime, although the cat is thriving!
I suspect he merely batted the stuff around for a while).

Personally, I would nevertheless have preferred the clay! Even with the
hairs.

Should you by any chance be one of those unfortunates who do not know what
love is, here is a perfect definition. Somebody who will eat the most
outlandish and disgusting material, or even in point of fact, tofu, of his
own free will, and simply to please his wife! Even though perfectly
reasonable comestibles are freely available at the time.

Having been the subject of various such experiments over the years, (
memorable were the "dried mashed potatoes with margarine", quite apart from
the immutable scars on my young palate, have you seen how margarine is made?
Or, horror of horrors! Smelled it ?). I am now resigned to the fact that I
will eventually die in a most unhealthy condition, possibly due to a surfeit
of garlic sausage, prawns Provencal in Irish butter with fresh herbs,
"Praguer Braten" (with crust), "Schweine Medaillons mit Waldpilze in Caramel
Soese", lobster thermidore, "Schwarwalder Kirschkuchen" with fresh cream,
coupled with copious quantities of white cider, single malt, port wine,
brandy, and coffee. Perhaps even the cheese and biscuits, or the after
dinner cigar. I will most certainly not die of a "surfeit of lampreys",
notwithstanding the fact that I am an angler, and indeed "a very honest
man", as they are in fact on a par with tofu, as far as the taste is
concerned. This however, would still be eminently preferable to dying
"healthy", due to a surfeit of tofu, assuming one had the stomach to eat
enough of the awful muck in the first place.

Anything grey and bloated looking, in one´s cross-hairs, or indeed in any
other hairs, must be dealt with immediately! If you decide to shoot it,
then aim carefully! You could of course simply try the time-honoured
method, rub twice daily with turpentine, take a course of penicillin, and
drink plenty of orange juice. I believe Laudanum was also at one time highly
recommended. This may however have deleterious effects on your casting
accuracy.

It occurred to me that you may simply have dropped something nasty ( tofu,
margarine, or some equally inedible mass, in your lap), before shooting
this, observe it carefully. If it moves, shoot it, if it does not move, then
simply scrape it off, and put it carefully on the side of your plate. This
may of course be a considerable faux pas, if some kind soul has merely
offered you a piece of really good cheese. There is no need to shoot this,
just close your mouth quickly, savour the flavour, and try to ignore the
obnoxious aroma. It helps ( at least a little) to hold your breath as well.
( If you decide to shoot it, this is also very good advice).

More or less all of the above also applies to cheap mozzarella, soya bean
"meat" ( Yeuchhhh!), nut cutlets, practically all manky Danish, Swedish, or
similar "rotten fish" ( regardless of the language, spelling, or age of the
can in question), that comes in cans, haggis, ( which smells like the
insides of an old bagpipe, which has not been "fed" regularly, and tastes
even worse), Swiss "Vergorene" milk drinks, (including the alcoholic type,
even though you never get drunk, as one sip is already more than any
sensible person can stomach!), and English white sliced bread.

Far be it from me to insinuate anything at all. As a rule, I just come
straight out and make a Pratt of myself. To date, this has not resulted in
my timely immortalisation, nay almost canonisation, for various acrobatic
and obviously impressive displays of involuted and ostensibly involuntary
submersion, ( which indeed, I hope someday to personally witness!). So
don´t drown just yet, I would like to live to see it, which of course
somewhat precludes your own demise.

If I were you, I would leave out the bloody tofu as well! Fairly shot, or
otherwise!

TL
MC

On Fri, 2 Jan 2004 21:12:27 +0100, "Mike Connor"
wrote:

If I were you, I would leave out the bloody tofu as well! Fairly shot, or
otherwise!

Many of the meals I had in Japan included a cube of tofu. When I was
done eating, the tofu had not been disturbed in any way. g
--
Charlie...

Laudanum ravings snipped
If I were you, I would leave out the bloody tofu as well! Fairly shot, or
otherwise!
TL
MC

Living around the world has enabled me to taste some truely incredible
foods, from the sublime (black angus 1/2 lb cheeseburge in the PI, on a
sweet role, with bacon), to balut (the PI version of the 1000 year egg).
One thing I do miss is eier likor torte. Tofu, on the other, doesn't even
make good compost (kinda like twinkies and cockroaches, never degrades).
--
Frank Reid
Reverse email to reply

On Fri, 2 Jan 2004 21:12:27 +0100, "Mike Connor"
wrote:

haggis, ( which smells like the
insides of an old bagpipe, which has not been "fed" regularly, and tastes
even worse),

Don't diss haggis. It's a pate' that can be delicious. Okay, maybe
it should go as a terraine instead of a pate'. My most memorable
haggis was one guaranteed to be bad. It was made by a Scot who was a
SF fan (and who wrote overblown poetry) and served at an SF convention
(think Clave with much stranger clothing and lots of teenagers). I
loved it. I'm a very picky eater. I think the list of ingredients is
what turns most people off.

However, I'll agree with you on tofu. When it was just beginning to
be hyped, I bought a 1 pound tray. I did not try several ways of
cooking it. One tiny taste of the uncooked, one large bite of the
sauteed and it went to the trash. My family got to see it, but I
refused to inflict it on them. I went back to the 'frig and got out
a new dinner menu. My only disagreement would be on the colour. I
thought it looked the way an albino with jaundice would.
--

rbc:vixen,Minnow Goddess,Willow Watcher,and all that sort of thing.
Often taunted by trout.
Only a fool would refuse to believe in luck. Only a damn fool would rely on it.

http://www.visi.com/~cyli